Sh!t of the Week! Yeah!

October 2, 2008 at 8:57 pm Leave a comment

*** Every Thursday, Shit of the Week takes a look at the weeks worst piece of dog crap to be released on video game shelves. ***

                       Pop Cutie! Street Fashion Simulation Boxshot

                      
 
 

It’s time for another edition of Shit of the Week! A Retail Gamers’ rejoice and celebration for games that are so awesomely crappy their terribleness gets idolized in all of their Shi-tay glory! Selecting this week’s pile of dump was tough for Frank Johnson. Upon immediate waft of this week’s shitty selection Frank Johnson was going to choose Pop Cutie: Street Fashion Simulator. Seems like an appropriate choice, right? WRONG! As Frank Johnson investigated this Pop Cutie and it’s supposed street fashion simulating Frank Johnson was faced with a devastating fact: This game sounds kind of rad. COME ON! Here, listen to this!

“Pop Cutie! Street Fashion Simulation is a game where players manage the day-to-day happenings of their very own fashion boutique. They’ll hire models and assistants, choose the look and music for their shop, run the cash register and even place magazine ads. Best of all, they’ll take to the streets and meet different characters in search of up-and-coming trends. Players will then use this inspiration in their studios where they’ll create new clothes, accessories and even hairstyles. However, other shop owners are also prowling the streets looking for the next big thing.”

What? That doesn’t sound completely awesome?… Oh yea, that sounds pretty weak. Ok, ok… Well here!

Players will start the game as an independent designer with a small shop at a flea market. As players progress, they’ll move into larger boutiques. The competition against rival shop owners culminates in a ‘Fashion Battle,’ where a panel of judges will decide if a player’s style has enough cute or enough cool to become all the rage.

By gathering ‘images’ from people on the street and combining them, players will create clothing lines ranging from the conventional to the most outrageous trends from the streets of Tokyo. A simple touch interface allows players to consider color and shape combinations on the bottom screen while reviewing the actual design on the upper screen. Using Nintendo DS Multi-Card Wireless Play, up to two friends can challenge each other in fabulous Fashion Battles.”

WHAM!? Right!?….. Right? Wait, never mind….. This game sounds pretty terrible! Dammit…. Well, the other game Frank Johnson was going to nominate as the Shit of the Week is Princess Debut. Now, we can’t have a tie, that just won’t do! Princess Debut sounds pretty fucking terrible in its own right. You are some slut bag princess who has to stop being a whore for awhile and learn how to dance to try to seduce one of six princes. ONE OF SIX?! DAAAAMMMNNN BITCH! The gameplay mostly consists of what looks like Elite Beat Agents’ touch screen controls just for the violently retarded. It boasts features like:

“Princess Debut offers four modes of play including Story, Ballroom, Practice, and Movie. With 20 outfits to find, 14 unique endings to experience, and 18 different kinds of music and dance styles to choose from (including Waltz, Latin dance, Tango, Ballroom, and much more), there’s no shortage of things to see and do!”

Practice? MOVIE?! 14 endings?!?! Get the fuck out of here! SPOILER ALERT!! Here a couple of the endings:

  • Your princess is a whore banging all 6 princes
  • You marry one of the princes just to find out not only does he enjoy ballroom dancing, but also domestic violence! Horray!
  • Your princess is a hooker-whore, banging all 6 princes but at a fair price…. after waltzing
  • And Frank Johnson’s favorite ending to this game: This game sucks. You just got jacked for $29.99.

Let’s put it this way; if you were stranded on desert island (not to be confused with a dessert island) and you had one of two choices for your DS, Princess Debut or Pop Cutie….. Which would it be? To be honest, at that point, faced with that decision…. the best thing you can do is prey for death.

 

                                

 -Written By Frank Johnson
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Entry filed under: Hand-Helds, Nintendo, Video Games. Tags: , , , , , , .

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