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Punch Out on WiiWare

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Today Nintendo announced that the beloved franchise of the Arcade, NES and SNES, Punch Out, will be coming to WiiWare! This game looks freaking awesome. This new rendition of Punch Out is currently being developed by Next Level Games, the folks who brought you Mario Strikers & Mario Strikers Charged. The only disappointing news coming out of Nintendo’s conference is that gamers all over the world will have to wait till an unspecified date, 2009 for their chance to slug it out as Little Mac once again. Check out the first trailer below.

-Written By Frank Johnson

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October 2, 2008 at 9:17 pm 1 comment

Sh!t of the Week! Yeah!

*** Every Thursday, Shit of the Week takes a look at the weeks worst piece of dog crap to be released on video game shelves. ***

                       Pop Cutie! Street Fashion Simulation Boxshot

                      
 
 

It’s time for another edition of Shit of the Week! A Retail Gamers’ rejoice and celebration for games that are so awesomely crappy their terribleness gets idolized in all of their Shi-tay glory! Selecting this week’s pile of dump was tough for Frank Johnson. Upon immediate waft of this week’s shitty selection Frank Johnson was going to choose Pop Cutie: Street Fashion Simulator. Seems like an appropriate choice, right? WRONG! As Frank Johnson investigated this Pop Cutie and it’s supposed street fashion simulating Frank Johnson was faced with a devastating fact: This game sounds kind of rad. COME ON! Here, listen to this!

“Pop Cutie! Street Fashion Simulation is a game where players manage the day-to-day happenings of their very own fashion boutique. They’ll hire models and assistants, choose the look and music for their shop, run the cash register and even place magazine ads. Best of all, they’ll take to the streets and meet different characters in search of up-and-coming trends. Players will then use this inspiration in their studios where they’ll create new clothes, accessories and even hairstyles. However, other shop owners are also prowling the streets looking for the next big thing.”

What? That doesn’t sound completely awesome?… Oh yea, that sounds pretty weak. Ok, ok… Well here!

Players will start the game as an independent designer with a small shop at a flea market. As players progress, they’ll move into larger boutiques. The competition against rival shop owners culminates in a ‘Fashion Battle,’ where a panel of judges will decide if a player’s style has enough cute or enough cool to become all the rage.

By gathering ‘images’ from people on the street and combining them, players will create clothing lines ranging from the conventional to the most outrageous trends from the streets of Tokyo. A simple touch interface allows players to consider color and shape combinations on the bottom screen while reviewing the actual design on the upper screen. Using Nintendo DS Multi-Card Wireless Play, up to two friends can challenge each other in fabulous Fashion Battles.”

WHAM!? Right!?….. Right? Wait, never mind….. This game sounds pretty terrible! Dammit…. Well, the other game Frank Johnson was going to nominate as the Shit of the Week is Princess Debut. Now, we can’t have a tie, that just won’t do! Princess Debut sounds pretty fucking terrible in its own right. You are some slut bag princess who has to stop being a whore for awhile and learn how to dance to try to seduce one of six princes. ONE OF SIX?! DAAAAMMMNNN BITCH! The gameplay mostly consists of what looks like Elite Beat Agents’ touch screen controls just for the violently retarded. It boasts features like:

“Princess Debut offers four modes of play including Story, Ballroom, Practice, and Movie. With 20 outfits to find, 14 unique endings to experience, and 18 different kinds of music and dance styles to choose from (including Waltz, Latin dance, Tango, Ballroom, and much more), there’s no shortage of things to see and do!”

Practice? MOVIE?! 14 endings?!?! Get the fuck out of here! SPOILER ALERT!! Here a couple of the endings:

  • Your princess is a whore banging all 6 princes
  • You marry one of the princes just to find out not only does he enjoy ballroom dancing, but also domestic violence! Horray!
  • Your princess is a hooker-whore, banging all 6 princes but at a fair price…. after waltzing
  • And Frank Johnson’s favorite ending to this game: This game sucks. You just got jacked for $29.99.

Let’s put it this way; if you were stranded on desert island (not to be confused with a dessert island) and you had one of two choices for your DS, Princess Debut or Pop Cutie….. Which would it be? To be honest, at that point, faced with that decision…. the best thing you can do is prey for death.

 

                                

 -Written By Frank Johnson
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October 2, 2008 at 8:57 pm Leave a comment

The Release Window

***Every Monday in the Release Window, we detail and list the games coming out this week, regardless of how crappy they might be!***

This week’s Release Window is…. Well, have a look for yourself. Enjoy!

THE RELEASE WINDOW:

  • DS
  • Pipe Mania ($19.99) Also on PSP & PS2
  • Margot’s Word Brain ($19.99)
  • Pop Cutie: Street Fashion Simulation ($29.99)
  • Princess Debut ($29.99)
  • Sonic Chronicles: Dark Brotherhood ($29.99)
  • PSP
  • Valhalla Knights 2 ($29.99) *Listen to Retail Gamers Podcast #14 for awesome news on this title!*
  • PS2
  • Mortal Kombat Kollection ($29.99)
  • PS3/360
  • Silent Hill Homecoming ($59.99)
  • Wii
  • Harvest Moon: Tree of Tranquility ($49.99)
  • We Cheer ($39.99)

-Written By Frank Johnson

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September 29, 2008 at 7:04 pm Leave a comment

The Price is Right, the Video Game!

                         The Price is Right Boxshot
Well, it’s official. The onslaught of the triple A releases coming this Fall has officially begun. Retail Gamers went over almost every single game, it seems, on the holiday horizon on Retail Gamers Podcast #12. But how Retail Gamers forgot this blockbuster future smash hit of a title, Frank Johnson does not know. The official Price is Right Video game hit retail shelves September 9th for the Wii & the DS and retails for….. wait for it…. $29.99 (DS) and $39.99 (Wii)! Wait, wow… Bit pricey don’t you think? For a game that wields the title “The Price is Right”, wouldn’t you say that $39.99 is a bit expensive? Wouldn’t ya, Rich Fields? Maybe Frank Johnson might buy this game if the price were to…. COME ON DOOOWN! *BAM!! NAILED IT!* Price is Right for $39.99!? PSH! More like The Price is wrong, Bitch! *Double WHAM!! Franky’s on fire! Bringing the LOLs!*ANYWAY! Price aside, Frank Johnson is very curious if the TV shows fun filled fan favorites like: “tell me how much this dish soap costs” and “let go of flat round saucer and hope you win” translate into mind melting fantastically shitty awesomely awesome game play?! Now some of you might be asking yourself: Why is Frank Johnson posting about a Game Show… er… Game? Well, maybe it’s because Frank Johnson is reaching out to the soccer moms and old lady demographic nation wide?! Or maybe it’s because Frank Johnson deeply cares about the casual gaming market and its future?!…. Or maybe because it gives Frank Johnson an excuse to post this:

-Written By Frank Johnson

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September 14, 2008 at 6:17 pm 2 comments

Legend of Neil: Episodes 1-6

                    

If for some crazy reason you missed Frank Johnson’s last post on The Legend of Neil then you are in luck! Below are all 6 episodes of the Legend of Neil!! Now bask in the glory of one of the best video game spoofs in recent history!

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Episode 4

Episode 5

Episode 6

Get all your Legend of Neil updates from www.Legendofneil.com. You can also find all the episodes there (in-case they get pulled from youtube). These episodes are also available on iTunes for download on your iPod for just $2 bucks! Rad.

-Written By Frank Johnson 

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September 7, 2008 at 2:12 am 4 comments

Megaman 9 Soundtrack

               

Collectors club alert! If you love Megaman, and it’s righteous music, as much as Retail Gamers love Megaman, and its rediculously rad music, you’ll probably want to check out Play-Asia.com for the Megaman 9 Soundtrack! It is no surprise that the hype machine is starting to accelerate towards the September release of Megaman 9 on XBLA, Wiiware and PSN. The soundtrack for the game will release on September 12th for the very puzzling price of $23.90 (plus shipping). The soundtrack is officially called Rockman 9 Original Soundtrack due to the fact that Megaman is called Rockman in Japan! (Learning is fun, huh kids!?) Frank Johnson has yet to commit to this purchase but is very tempted… Any of our regular readers picking this gem up? If so, head over and pre order quickly! The last collector’s item of Megaman offered on Play-Asia was the R20: Rockman & Rockman X Official Complete Works which sold out very quickly due to its extreme amounts of ass kicking bad assery! Retail Gamers will definitely be supplying more Megaman news and updates up to the release of Megaman 9!

-Written By Frank Johnson

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September 7, 2008 at 1:33 am Leave a comment

World of Warcraft Halloween!!

With Halloween on the horizon, websites and stores nation wide are gearing up for yet another candy filled October. Here at Retail Gamers Frank Johnson will be giving you updates on video game masks, make-up, costumes and craziness! For our first installment Frank Johnson presents to you….. Warcraft masks! These are pretty ridiculous. You have a Tauren, an Orc and some weapon that they are trying to pass off as NOT A PIECE OF SHIT. The Tauren mask is VERY expensive coming in at $119.99!! It looks pretty damn detailed but unless you want to be a Tauren that looks like he has down syndrome then maybe go with the Orc! And what’s with the weapon? That looks fucking terrible.

Hit up BigBadToyStore.com for bigger and badder pictures as well as bigger and badder ways to order!

-written By Frank Johnson

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August 31, 2008 at 6:59 pm Leave a comment

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